i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
