before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
