there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.