Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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