Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
