We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
