I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
