don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
