A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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