You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
