after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
