it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
