Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
