How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
