would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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