I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
