He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
