I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
