this beer tastes like vomit already
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
