No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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