Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
