isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
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Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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