girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
