Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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