i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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