ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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