After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
