guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
