What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
