Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize