So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
sex in a hospital.. check
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
