I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
