yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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