So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We're too hungover to prance.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize