I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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