I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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