I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
