the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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