hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
