OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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