i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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