I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize