by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
