I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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