Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
