i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
