The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
