Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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