Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
