Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
