Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
