Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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