somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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