This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were destined to go to rehab together
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
