if only i could text you this smell
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
