Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
