I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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