Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
