I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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