Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
