i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
