You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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