Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
