We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
