Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
