We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
