im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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