Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
